CHUCK IN A BOX

Dunno her position on Prop 8, just happened to find this and thought it was funny.

Like some tired old Klansman of days gone by, Prop 8 supporters were trying to hide their faces behind the white sheets/hoods of anonymity.  But a Federal judge has denied Prop 8 supporters request to withhold disclosure of the names and address of Prop 8 supporters (you know the ones who wanted to ban same-sex marriage in CA) – as noted in the LA Times.  If they are so proud of their cause/support, why would they be ashamed of their support of said support being made public.  

I, personally, prefer to know who the bigots are – yes, I understand that people are entitled to their opinions but, IMHO voting to TAKE AWAY rights of others makes you a bigot….YES so, I really like this handy database I found that lets me see who donated what and who they work for.  Wow, imagine my surprise when I found people in Virginia that work for huge companies that have impressive diversity policies that donated to take away rights of their fellow citizens.  Even a few people in Richmond donated to Yes on 8 – luckily, the majority of the donors (local) donated to fight against the proposition.

This is Pepsico’s latest slogan and I think the company is doing a great job putting its money where its mouth is.  Pepsi donated $500,000 to the Human Rights Campaign (HRC), and also gave $500,000 to Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG).  

Needless to say this has already ruffled the feathers of various ‘Pro-Family’/'Pro-American’ groups like the AFA into one of their many temper tantrum ‘we must boycott this company until they bend to our will’ campaigns – NOT like that’s anything new for them (see my Hypocrites are Hilarious post).  I got an alert from this first from Christwire which linked to something called The Truth Manifesto – it’s funny these people are neither ‘Christlike’ or ‘Truthful’ but they have actually set up an official ‘Boycott Pepsico‘ website.  Give me a break – Pepsi donates to many, many organizations and causes; these folks need to get their collective panties out of a wad and grow up.

I would urge everyone to counter the negative effects of the AFA boycott by SUPPORTING Pepsico if you agree with their national program designed for workplace environments.  From a letter from Paul Boykas, Director, Public Policy at Pepsico to Donald  E. Wildmon, American Family Association

The initiative seeks to promote further understanding and equality in the places where people spend much of their time at work.

Among the values promoted by the PepsiCo Foundation is ensuring a work environment that is respectful and where associates are valued for their contributions.  I hope this helps  clarify this grant by the PepsiCo Foundation.

So go out and buy lots of Pepsico Brand Products and make sure to contact Pepsico to tell them that you appreciate Pepsi’s commitment to being ‘Something for Everyone‘.

Please meet young Master Aden

 Yes, yes, yes – Aden Parker was born at 12:14 AM on Sunday, December 21, 2008 just shy of his original expected due date of 12/26 or 12/27.  Aden is the son of a co-worker/friend or mine, Shannon, and her partner April (they are also neighbors of ours in ‘The ‘Burg’).  After talking to Shannon last night about natural childbirth (the way they chose to go) I have a new-found respect for what April went through – all I have to say is “WOW!”

I, of course, being the super emotional mess that I can be, got all watery eyed listening to how everything went – especially when hearing that April got to finish taking Aden out herself – I can only imagine how that would be an incredible bonding experience.  I told Keith I want a baby – I frequent the AdoptUSKids site on a regular basis as it is – and he proceeded to tell me that I couldn’t have one because I can barely clean the cat box – grrrrrrrrrr.  We have Ian, who I totally regard as my son, but I sometimes think I missed something not having him around until he was about 15 – yay the mouthy years of puberty and teenage angst – FUN!

Not to make the wee lad a political symbol or anything but, its little guys like Aden that make me realize just how important ‘our’ families are and how they are every bit as good and meaningful as any ‘traditional’ family.

I think I’m going to go meet him in person tonight!  I <3 babies!!

Join the Impact is seeking to gather at least one million signatures on an Open Letter to President Barack Obama to be delivered to him on his first day in office, in protest of DOMA.

Find out more at Join the Impact!  The event itself will vary by location depending on organizers availability and local sense of how to best do it.  Here’s a link to information for cities in Virginia.

Came across this while reading the Edge and thought it was a really great idea.  From my personal experience, I have found that when people are able to put a ‘human’ face on a thing – it goes a long way.  Get to know me and walk a mile in my shoes before you go judging anyone.  From Get To Know Me First:

In the wake of California’s passage of Proposition 8, a group of gay and lesbian families are taking to the airwaves, producing five 30-second commercials to air on daytime and prime time television throughout the state.  These commercials will run in urban and rural markets on broadcast and cable channels during the Inauguration week in January 2009.  Their purpose is to capture the hearts and minds of people who do not understand why marriage is so important to us.

Intelligent people can talk until the cows come home about whether gays and lesbians should be able to marry, should it be called “marriage,” and what are the implications.  Intelligent people can disagree.

It’s all abstract until they meet us and put a face on the issue.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that comment and I guess my only reaction really is sort of a ‘Yeah – what did you think?’  I don’t go around with a tiara on my head or anything and I certainly don’t introduce myself, “Hi, I’m Chuck – and I’m gay!  Nice to meet you.” but, conversely there is no shame in my game – if someone has the balls to ask me if I’m gay then, I certainly have the balls to answer them honestly.  I’ve gotten the ‘..but you’re so normal’ comment a bit more than I would really like – after all, what is it people are expecting?  I really think the uninformed masses are expecting us (gays and lesbians) to be something akin to what they see in the media.  

Every time I see coverage of an LGBT event or something like a Pride event, inevitably, the media focuses on THE most extreme attendants.  How many times I have seen leather daddies, drag queens, guys in jockstraps and combat boots, dykes on bikes, etc. versus the number of oh say….Log Cabin Republicans or gay/lesbian families with children?  (Side note – I should say that, IMHO, there is nothing wrong with being into leather, drag, etc. if that is your bag – after all, there are also a fair number of heterosexuals in the leather/fetish/cross dressing community.  I think the media focuses too much on those ‘fringe’ groups for ratings and sensationalism instead of showing non-stereotypical gays and lesbians.)

Once people get to know me and are more comfortable around me, the topic of my personal life comes up they are usually very surprised all in all.  I also get comments like, ‘You’re the first gay person I’ve known’ or ‘You’re the first gay person I’ve been comfortable enough with to ask this but…’ – I usually tell them that I am happy to answer their questions.  I would rather people ask me and give me the opportunity to let them be informed versus going around assuming things about me and other LGBT folks (not that I speak for all of us but…).  In the end, most of the folks I talk to come to the realization that, ‘Wow, you’re just like me/us’ and that’s really all I want people to know.

I mean I AM just like you with the exception of something that I actually find about as significant to the whole as the color of my eyes.  I am Chuck; I’m a friend; I’m a son; I’m a brother; I’m a co-worker; I’m a father; I’m a grandfather; I’m a fellow human and…I just ‘happen’ to be gay.  I am so much more than my sexuality, I’m just sorry that there are those out there that seem to focus on that small part of me first and foremost among all of my other qualities and contributions.

We worry about the same things you do – will my son make the right decisions? will the three houses around me sell soon so my property value can recover? will my job still be there 6 months from now?  which bill do I put off paying this month so I can afford to buy my niece a birthday present? should I start saving now for the new windshield I’m going to need for my car to pass inspection? what kind of anniversary present should I get my son and daughter-in-law? which store has the best price on fridge pack sodas this week? etc.

Do I want to destroy marriage?  Do I want to undermine YOUR traditions?  Do I want to flaunt my sexuality?  No, as a matter of fact I.DO.NOT. but, what I do want is to have exactly the same rights and benefits that many heterosexual couples wake up with and take for granted on a daily basis.  If my neighbors husband dies, she is able to receive his pension or social security benefits; if my neighbors wife is in the hospital, he automatically has the right to be there and say what happens if she is unable to do so; if my neighbors husband is placed into a nursing home, she is not forced to sell her home to pay for his care; if my neighbors wife is wrongfully killed in an automobile accident, he has the right to sue for wrongful death or loss of consortium.  There are many more examples of federal and state benefits that heterosexual couples automatically receive just by getting married.

On the order of 1,400 legal rights are conferred upon married couples in the U.S. Typically these are composed of about 400 state benefits and over 1,000 federal benefits. Among them are the rights to:

• joint parenting;
• joint adoption;
• joint foster care, custody, and visitation (including non-biological parents);
• status as next-of-kin for hospital visits and medical decisions where one partner is too ill to be competent;
• joint insurance policies for home, auto and health;
• dissolution and divorce protections such as community property and child support;
• immigration and residency for partners from other countries;
• inheritance automatically in the absence of a will;
• joint leases with automatic renewal rights in the event one partner dies or leaves the house or apartment;
• inheritance of jointly-owned real and personal property through the right of survivorship (which avoids the time and expense and taxes in probate);
• benefits such as annuities, pension plans, Social Security, and Medicare;
• spousal exemptions to property tax increases upon the death of one partner who is a co-owner of the home;
• veterans’ discounts on medical care, education, and home loans; joint filing of tax returns;
• joint filing of customs claims when traveling;
• wrongful death benefits for a surviving partner and children;
• bereavement or sick leave to care for a partner or child;
• decision-making power with respect to whether a deceased partner will be cremated or not and where to bury him or her;
• crime victims’ recovery benefits;
• loss of consortium tort benefits;
• domestic violence protection orders;
• judicial protections and evidentiary immunity;
• and more….

Most of these legal and economic benefits cannot be privately arranged or contracted for. For example, absent a legal (or civil) marriage, there is no guaranteed joint responsibility to the partner and to third parties (including children) in such areas as child support, debts to creditors, taxes, etc. In addition, private employers and institutions often give other economic privileges and other benefits (special rates or memberships) only to married couples. And, of course, when people cannot marry, they are denied all the emotional and social benefits and responsibilities of marriage as well.

I like that I’m able to help people understand that we’re just like them – as Keith says about some of the people I’ve complained about at work after finding out that they contribute HEAVILY to anti-gay groups, “You may be the only example of a happy, healthy, normal gay relationship that BLANK ever sees.  By knowing you BLANK may come to understand that maybe everything he/she has been lead to believe really is not true.”  Don’t get me wrong – those anti-gay folks are absolutely entitled to their opinions (otherwise I’d be as guilty of intolerance as some of them are apt to be) HOWEVER, their opinions should not lead them to attempt to legislate the rights of others.

It just boggles my mind that there are SO MANY sites run by ‘Christian’ people whose sole raison d’etre seems to be their preoccupation with homosexuals.  I mean, REALLY, I do not spend my every waking moment worrying about what my heterosexual neighbors may/may not be doing in bed or in their home – why is it that these folks (I refuse to give them the press by linking to their sites) have nothing better to do?  Imagine if all of that energy was put towards feeding the starving here in the US or providing shelter to the homeless or some other cause that is positive.  Oh well, to each their own I suppose. 

Let’s remember, we are a Republic, not a Democracy.  That means that the org chart for our country has everyone reporting to The Constitution – NOT THE PEOPLE.  Think about that.  Neither the president, the courts or even the legislature report to the people.  They report to the Constitution, and are duty bound to uphold the Constitutional Will, not the Peoples’ Will.  Watch this video if you need some basic training on the government of America. We are not a democracy, and never have been. We are a republic. We are a country of laws – and that includes the 14th Amendment.

Do your part to protect marriage – sign a petition to prohibit divorce!

I, honestly, do not see why so many in the LGBT community are up in arms over Obama having Rev. Rick Warren give the invocation at the inauguration ceremony.  I agree there were probably better choices – more moderate (in my view) but, Obama is EVERYONE’S President.  I think sometimes my LGBT family forgets that this means he represents everyone – right wing, left wing, liberal, conservative, etc.  I think he Obama were to exclude people because he/we didn’t agree with 100% of what they said then he/we would be just as guilty of intolerance as those people that we fight against.  Not to mention that he has Rev. Joseph Lowery, a gay friendly pastor, giving the benediction at the inauguration ceremony so it all works out….Obama is doing what he said he would do, he’s reaching out to EVERYONE which I, frankly, appreciate.  

I really liked what James Hipps said about it:

When it comes to trying to understand those who oppose us, it can be very difficult.  But I have a method which often works for me.  I call it the “beach ball theory”.  If I am standing in front of a giant beach ball, and you are standing opposite of me, then perhaps I see the ball to be blue and yellow, and you see the ball to be green and red.  Now we can argue back and forth all day that the ball is blue and yellow, and green and red, and we can stand up for what we know is right (after all, from my side the ball is blue and yellow).  However, its not until we are able to work together and turn that ball around, that we can start to see the other colors and start to understand that if it wasn’t for all four colors, that is wouldn’t be a ball at all.  Sometimes we get so caught up in knowing we’re right, we forget to take into consideration that two halves make a whole.

Now, not to say that my side of the ball won’t always be blue and yellow, and your side may always be red and green, but as long as we can see the whole, there won’t be anything to argue about.  OK, Your side is red and green, my side is blue and yellow.

Heck – I’m sure  SOMEWHERE there is some atheist group all up in arms because there is even an invocation or benediction.  Again, that saying proves true, “You can please all of the people some of the time; some of the people all of the time but, you can’t please all of the people all of the time.”  I think, because I would never try to speak for every LGBT person, that if we as a community expect heterosexuals to be a bit more tolerant of us, then we need to practice what we preach.  You don’t have to like it, you don’t have to believe it and a groups opinions should not affect the rights of others but, we should respect their right to believe that way.  I don’t know…something about ‘catching more flies with honey than vinegar’ or something like that.

So what’s good for the goose is apparently not always good for the gander.  There is a story in today’s Las Vegas Sun that refers to a Vegas version of the now famous Anti-Gay Blacklist over donors to the Prop 8 issue in California.  The part of the article that jumped out to me was this little section:

“I think it’s too bad, isn’t it? They’re accusing us of a hate crime and they are being hateful. I believe marriage should be between a man and a woman,” she said. “I am a very loving, kind person.”

Her counter argument neatly sums up the response a number of people on the list had: Blacklisting someone for being intolerant is intolerant in and of itself. Take Richard Ziser, chairman of Nevada Concerned Citizens, an advocacy group very vocal in its stance against gay marriage.

“This shows how intolerant the gay community is when they don’t get their way,” Ziser said

So couple this with some of the information that I’ve found in the conversations with folks at Beetle Blogger over a boycott/letter writing campaign of Campbell’s Soup proposed by the American Family Association for advertising in The Advocate makes it very, VERY clear to me that a good number of these people are hypocrites – yes, yes, I know that shouldn’t be a shocker at this point but lets take a look at some of the boycotts against companies because of their support for the LGBT community shall we?

• 1996 American Family Association launched a boycott against Walt Disney Company when the company began giving benefits to same-sex employees in domestic partnerships because Michael Eisner “was involved in a media group that actively promoted the homosexual agenda” and was pushing the “gay agenda”
• 2004 American Family Association and Focus on the Family propose boycott of Proctor & Gamble because ‘Proctor & Gamble…has publicly thrown their support and money behind the homosexual political agenda’ and the group also claimed the company was showing its ‘support for homosexual marriage’
• 2005 AFA boycotted the company American Girl, seller of dolls and accessories, because the company supported the charity Girls, Inc. which the AFA called a “pro-abortion, pro-lesbian advocacy group”
• 2005 AFA launched boycott of Ford for advertising in gay magazines, donating to gay-rights organizations, and sponsoring gay pride celebrations.
• 2005 Focus on the Family boycotts Wells Fargo because of the banks ‘ongoing efforts to advance the radical homosexual agenda’ because of a contribution Wells Fargo made to GLAAD (Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation).
• 2006 AFA calls for protest/boycott of Kraft Foods for their support of the 2006 Gay Games in Chicago, IL.
• 2006 AFA urged members to condemn Sears for running commercials on LOGO an LGBT cable channel.
• 2007 Walmart decided to curb its support of LGBT organizations after conservative Christian groups threatened a boycott
• 2007 AFA spoke out against IKEA for featuring homosexual families in their television ads.
• 2008 American Family Association ended the half-year boycott against McDonald’s after the company agreed to ‘remain neutral in the culture war regarding homosexual marriage.  In May the AFA launched a website against McDonald’s for its support of the LGBT community – this because of their involvement in the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce.
• 2008 AFA announced their boycott of Hallmark Cards for their decision to start selling same-sex wedding cards.
• 2008 AFA protested Heinz television advertisement (shown ONLY in the United Kingdom), which showed two men kissing.
• 2008 AFA wants members to protest Campbell’s Soup for advertising in The Advocate magazine – which they consider “helping homosexual activists push their agenda. Not only did the ads cost Campbell’s a chunk of money, but they also sent a message that homosexual parents constitute a family and are worthy of support. They also gave their approval to the entire homosexual agend.”
• 2008 AFA wants members to protest PepsiCo for their $500,000 donation to PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) for again, as they call it “pushing the homosexual agenda in the workplace.”

So, let me get this straight, it is perfectly okay for them to boycott companies, organizations, etc. for their support of LGBT causes, events, or organizations but, when the shoe is on the other foot we are being “hateful” and “intolerant” – is that the general gist of it?  Well boo-frickin’-hoo I strongly suggest they build a bridge…and get over it.  I keep getting the impression that we (gays and lesbians) are just supposed to ‘sit down, shut up, and take what we get’ – Yes suh, massa Eyes sho glad you ’round to tell me what mah rights are. No suh, massa I’s not back talkin’ ya.  I mean these people probably think Rosa Parks was hateful and intolerant to that white man for refusing to give up her seat to him simply because that was the way things were.  Doesn’t mean they were right and doesn’t mean they did not need to change.

I think to counter the negative effects of some of these boycotts or protests that the LGBT community needs to come out equally, if not more-so, as strong in support of those companies that support us and stand up to the bullies and the conservative Christians (yes, that in itself is laughable) who would seek to keep us in the ‘back of the bus’.  Write those letters, make those calls, and buy those products to support them.  Let’s face it, if the LGBT community makes up about 10% of the population and AFA – just based on the circulation of their monthly newsletter – only has 180,000 – heck, lets assume that half of them do not subscribe to the journal and say 360,000 – then you tell me – Who has more clout and buying power?

I would absolutely LOVE to see a Blacklist for every state or major city to tell you the truth – I prefer bigots to be bigots to my face but, they lack the courage of their convictions in most cases – similar to the KKK and their hoods….you know…too ashamed to show their faces in public.  Anyway a local blacklist would allow me to put my money where my mouth is – just like these groups do only they don’t see it as “hateful” or “intolerant” at all.  They wrap themselves in the blanket of ‘we’re doing it for the children’ – which sounds remarkably like the slogan that has-been Anita Bryant and her Florida campaign from the 70′s.

Don’t get me wrong – I totally believe these people are entitled to their own opinions and thoughts (no matter how misguided they are) otherwise I would be just as guilty of trying to exclude people as they are.  What I do not believe is they have the right to push THEIR beliefs on others or promote hatred any more than some white supremacist or anti-Semitic group does – which is EXACTLY how I equate them.

So yeah, I totally agree with this.  Let’s put THIS to a vote and see how well it goes.  I mean putting a law in place to prohibit divorce would go A LOT further to protecting marriage than denying it to same sex couples.  I mean hey! It’s in the Bible – ‘What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder’ – right?  Didn’t they stone people for getting divorced in those days too – but then again, isn’t that contradictory to the whole…’Thou Shalt Not Kill’ commandment?  Oh well, let’s just settle for making heterosexual divorce illegal.