Saturday morning sort of had me worried – I mean it was supposed to be in the low 80′s and it didn’t get there fast enough – the day actually started out kinda cool and overcast but that changed just in time!  We had Ian and Nicky with Audrey; we had April and Shannon with Aden along with April’s mom and her new beau; and we had Isabella (Isa) and Antonio (Toni) all over for lunch and the hunting of pastel, plastic candy-filled eggs.  Apparently the warning I’d given the twins earlier about letting the little ones get a chance at the eggs must have fallen on deaf little ears.  We had to reign them in a couple of times so that Aden and Audrey could get some too.

The weather was great and we had a simple lunch of hot dogs, chips & hummus and beans – had to have something the dwarfs would eat!  Sadly, Audrey wasn’t feeling well – the poor thing was coughing up a lunch – so Ian and Nicky left a bit early to get the baby to the doctor.  Keith later told me Ian or Nicky had called to let us know that apparently Aud was having an asthma attack – egads but she was feeling a bit better.  After the rest of the folks left, the twins and I hung out until our 4:30 showing of How to Tame Your Dragon (in RealD 3D) – side note – it was a SUPER movie and I swear the 3D effects actually seemed better than those in Avatar.

Sunday we futzed around the house doing some gardening and cleaning of the pond and Keith did some cooking.  Ben and Tim came over after going to the annual Easter event, ‘Monument on Parade‘ and we had a nice dinner.  Keith made cauliflower and blue cheese soup, a delicious green bean/red onion/olive/hard boiled egg salad, leg of lamb roasted with fingerling potatoes and olives and for dessert a yummy Meyer lemon crepe cake that he found in the Easter edition of Martha Stewart Living.  Although I didn’t really eat my lamb (it’s just a me thing – I think the idea of a baby animal coupled with the musky smell/taste is just something I can’t hack) I did wolf down 2 bowls of the soup and ate everything else — yes, yes I put my NutriSystem on hold for the day but, I’ll be back to it tomorrow.  (Hell, I’m just proud I’ve gone from 232 down to 215 in about 2 months – YAY ME!)

Now, I’m winding down my day on the back deck with a glass of Barefoot Moscato (thank you Nicky for turning me on to this – I think I like it even better than my normal Chateau Morrisette ‘Our Dog Blue‘!!) and my laptop (yay home wi-fi) blogging about my fantastic weekend filled with family, friends, food and fun!!

Miss America pose with Birthday Princess crown!

So, this past Sunday was my 40th birthday – I have officially entered ‘trolldom’ well, at least that was how I used to view it.  Now….not so much – I’m actually very happy with my life.  I knew I was having a party (well, if Keith knew what was good for him that is, I was going to have a party) and up until last Saturday, I thought the party was going to be Sunday.  My best friend, Ben, had invited us to his house for dinner Sunday evening and I figured that was the same ruse as I used to get Keith to Ben’s house for his 50th so he must have been using the same thing for my 40th.

So Saturday I bought some new jeans, a new shirt and said I was going to run out Sunday morning to get some new shoes so I could be all dolled up for my ‘surprise party’.  Later that night I asked what was for dinner and Keith said we were having Tomato soup  and grilled cheese – a little lackluster but still….yummy.  My phone rang and I didn’t recognize the number at first so, I ignored it then the same number called again and I thought it looked a little familiar but still didn’t answer.  I checked the number and it was Kristy’s – now since Keith had told me I was not allowed to talk to anyone because I’m one of those naturally nosey people who try to worm details (say about an upcoming party) out of folks – so I told Keith he might want to call her back.

Keith called Kristy and I ended up on the phone – it seems she’d bought a load of books (she owns Minerva Books – a great new & used bookstore here in the ‘burg) and couldn’t get anyone to help her unload them.  Her partner Beth was at reserves for the weekend and no one else was available to help.  Since I like her I had no problem helping….she offered to take us to dinner for our trouble but, I wouldn’t hear of it, after all, what are friends for, right?

I had already settled into my flannel lounge pants, grubby t-shirt, and house slippers for the evening so, I just threw on some dirty pants and slipped on my shoes – after all, I was just going to be hauling boxes of books, right?  During the short drive to Minerva’s Keith was chattering away and in retrospect, I think he was doing it to take my mind off of my birthday.  We pulled into the lot and after getting out I thought,”Wow, that BMW looks like Terri and Kartik’s car and wait a minute, that’s a Mazda 5 like Shannon and April have.”  Kristy met us outside and as we were walking to the door, I could see the balloon bouquets – too late I realized what was going on and I had no choice but to go on in.  Me….who won’t go to the mailbox without fixing my hair was being delivered to my surprise party without having bathed, without deodorant or cologne; with my hair a mess; and wearing a dirty shirt, pants, slip on shoes and a wind jacket.  OH the inhumanity of it all – for documented proof —–> Click Here

All in all I had a wonderful time and was actually surprised.  It was so nice of my friends and my family (well my Aunt Joey and Uncle Leon) to celebrate a milestone birthday with me!  I felt bad that my mom had made it about a block away but, got confused since she doesn’t really drive at night or in Petersburg and went home.  I sort of fault my father for not coming with her but, what the hell I had a good time even if my parents, sisters, nieces, nephews, son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter didn’t show – nope…not the least bit bitter.  Yeah Right! LOL.  

Hey, it’s all good – I got my Wii and I got to spend time celebrating with many of my best friends and family!  I especially liked the ‘Birthday Princess’ crown LOL!!

I think part of the problem is that I get ‘stingy’ with my ‘personal’ time.  Waking up at 4:30 in the morning to go to the gym then coming home and getting ready for work – working all day M-F and then getting home about 5 PM, I feel like 12 of my 24 hours are gone just like that *snap*.  Next, factor in 1-2 hours to unwind from work, eat, play with the dogs, pick up around the house plus 8 hours for sleep each night and I’m left with only about 2 hours per day….TWO HOURS?!?!  I refuse to be one of those people who live my life by a day-runner type pocket planner but MY GOD how else do working adults find the time to DO things they WANT to do after doing everything they HAVE to do?

Part of the ‘problem’ seems to be that – and my mother always told me this would happen – as I get older, time goes by faster and faster.  I swear, it seemed like it took FOREVER before I was able to drive (16); then FOREVER before I would graduate high school (18); FOREVER until I was legally able to drink (21) and now…I just can’t slow time down.  I totally understand what she meant now….of course then, I didn’t get it – kids never appreciate what their parents tell them until they get to ‘that’ age.  She also used to tell me that ‘Youth was wasted on the young because they don’t appreciate it.’  Again, I TOTALLY get that now mom!

LOL I remember my best friend, Ben, and I talking about how we would either kill ourselves or get married (to women) when we reached 40 – because older gays are pretty much ostracized in the gay community.  Now that I’m almost 40 (well about a week away) I cannot imagine doing EITHER of those things.  I, for the most part, really like my life and wouldn’t change a thing (except for moving from Woodland Heights – Richmond to Walnut Hill – Petersburg).  I do, quite frankly, worry that I won’t have enough time to accomplish everything that I want to do/see in my life before its over.  I have no doubt that the next 40 (or however many there will be) years will go significantly faster than the previous 40.  I guess the moral is that you have to make EVERY day, EVERY moment count.  UGGGG what is this I’m having some sort of mid-life realization/crisis thing???  Will it make me a better person?  Will I finally MAKE time for everything that I want to do.

I realize that after I retire (thank God I work for the State and have a nice deferred compensation plan, pension, and other benefits – I won’t be one of those retirees eating cat food LOL) I’ll have a lot more ‘free’ time for travel, gardening, reading, yada yada but, I want to make sure I can do some of that stuff – hiking up to Machu Picchu – while I’m virile enough to do it.  (Wow…like 40 makes me ancient and incapable of walking/hiking LOL….NOT).  Oddly though I know I’m aging, I still think and feel like a child most times – mom always said I suffered from PPS (Peter Pan Syndrome) – well I’m rambling now, guess I’ll go get more coffee, get Keith up, and be about the business of the day – God knows there is stuff to be done!

He Inspired So Much, In So Many

Today is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day and I think this particular MLK Jr. Day seems even more symbolic because tomorrow the first African American President of the United States of America is sworn into office.  Tomorrow history, for the United States, will be made.  I cannot pretend to imagine what African American citizens went through during the fight for their civil rights but, I wonder if people like MLK Jr. and Rosa Parks and others were called ‘Activists’ like outspoken LGBT citizens are today.  I wonder if there was a ‘Black Agenda’ like the supposed ‘Gay Agenda’ ? If only the LGBT community had such a leader – he inspired so much in so many – I am sure he would have been a very interesting person to know personally.

This is one of those days that I wish my paternal grandfather was still alive (though don’t let that get out, I have an image to maintain).  He was one of those old school racists who said, ‘black people don’t have the capacity to learn that white people have’ and even changed his (and my grandmother’s) will to state that I would be disinherited if I married outside my race.  I wish he was alive if for nothing more than to say, “See papa – you were WRONG!” and see the look on his face to know that an African American was THE most powerful man in the country – and possibly the world.

I enjoyed my MLK Jr. Day off very much – I woke at about 5 AM – because Keith (who DID have to work) WOULDN’T get up with the dogs.  I answered emails and worked on my newest pet project The Anatomy & Neurobiology Blog for my department at VCU; I paid some bills online; got my neice a birthday card (HAPPY 15th BIRTHDAY AMBER!) and some cash; visited with my parental units for a while; talked to my dad about closed radiator systems, ductless heating/cooling, and insulation; talked to my mom about wanted to help my cousin move back to Virginia; looked up various birds that were coming to our feeders and vegged watching LOGO and taking a nap – and enjoying a couple of bowls of Captain Crunch!

Hoppin' John on New Years Day for Luck

Hoppin’ John that is!  Even though he’s not Southern born and bred, Keith makes a very big deal of always having Hoppin’ John every New Years Day.  It’s a Southern tradition that is supposed to bring luck and prosperity for the coming year.  Just watch out for the dime/penny /nickel that is supposed to be placed in the pot – don’t want to start the new year with costly dental bills LOL.

So, off to enjoy my roast chicken and Hoppin’ John and hope that it helps – heck its only the two of us so either way (he gets the coin or I get it) we’ll have good luck and prosperity for 2009 – w00t!!!!

Well, it was actually yesterday but, HAPPY 13th ANNIVERSARY to us!  

Time to reflect -

So it has really been 13 years since I first read kjmcall’s profile on AOL in one of the Gay & Lesbian Chat Rooms (not one of those seedy M4M things…thankyouverymuch) and instant messaged him that I really liked the quote in his profile.  It was, ‘Many things in life catch our eye, few our heart – pursue those’ – it struck me as a very profound thing and very true when you think about it.  He had just come from a birthday party for his daughter, Ashley, gotten the kids all to bed, and logged in to chat with other gay and lesbian folks.

So we spent a while that night in a private chat just talking to each other – I’m no cyber whore so get that outta yer head now – I don’t really remember everything we talked about that night.  I’m not sure how many nights we chatted and emailed before he gave me his 800 number at work to call him during the day.  This is when I was working for Sears at Regency and every day at lunch, I would spend the time on a pay phone in the mall talking to Keith about the day’s events.  

During our conversations he would refer to his ex and say ‘she’ – I just thought that was a gay thing as I call my best friend Ben ‘her’ or say ‘she’ when referring to Ben.  Anyway during one conversation at work it came out that several of the children I frequently heard in the background – when talking to him at home – were actually his and that his “ex” was a biological woman.  I remember the poor thing went into a panic and said we were not supposed to be having this conversation now – that it was something we were going to talk about when I visited him in Boston – which was coming up.  I, as I am want to do, got freaked out/pissed off and hung up on him – I mean….ok so he’s married and has kids…and I was falling in love with him.  I get home and Ben tells me, ‘ Your husband has been calling here every 5 minutes and says he needs to talk to you as soon as you get home!”

Well, we worked past all that and there were letters and cards and emails and all that for a few months until I got to go to Boston.  We both laugh now about how we would rush home to log into AOL and PRAY to hear, ‘You’ve Got Mail!’ I would also rush home to see if he’s sent me a card or letter (I still have every card and letter he wrote too).  I took the train to Boston to meet him which was quite the adventure.  I get to Boston during one of the worst blizzards they had had in recent years – the roads were closed and the train station was PACKED with people trying to get out of the city.  I hunkered down on a bench, coat on and my Marvin the Martian cap pulled down low keeping an eye out for Keith.  He had sent me pictures of himself but, because I’m of the opinion that I’ve not had a decent photo taken since the day I could walk, I’d never sent him one of me.  I had described myself – you know, dark brown hair in a Cesar cut, brown eyes, a few freckles, and a goatee – yeah like that just described 25% of the gay, male population – but never sent him a picture of myself.  I only mention that because – and this I still find weird – in the middle of this insanely packed train station, Keith walked right up to me while I was hunkered down on my bench and said, “Chuck?”

We spent a weekend in Boston, doing the Freedom Trail in a blizzard, going to FAO Schwartz (cause I’m really a big child), and spending time together – before we knew it, it was time for me to go back to Richmond.  The departure at the train station is especially interesting when Keith tells it.  The part about the woman asking him, “Does he know how much you love him?” and him answering “Yes, I think he does.” only to turn around and she was gone from the platform is one of the reasons we both say that our grandmothers ghosts were the ones that helped us met.  Yes, cheesy I know but…we were both pretty much raised by our grandmothers and they were the most important people in our lives and they loved us very much.  Anywho….back to the story…

The next few months there were visits to Virginia by Keith – God, how he made that trip from Syracuse to Richmond in a tiny little GEO Metro with no A/C and no radio…..I’ll never know.  This is, of course, after his ex wife and he decided it would be best if he left the house.  I had fun showing him around Richmond – he wasn’t really new to VA as he had lived here when he was married and stationed at Langley AFB – and introducing him to my family (I still remember my mom…or maybe it was my sister saying, ‘At least he’s white.’) and friends.  During our conversations and visits I ended up deciding I wanted to move to NY to be closer to him.  I did put my foot down that I didn’t want to move up there until the divorce was done.  I did not want to be the reason they were getting divorced and he repeatedly made sure I knew that ball had started rolling long ago. (Side note – it amazes me that Keith takes commitment very seriously,  to the point that he still maintains if Patty had been a happier person, he would still be with her but…well…she’s not).

I moved my meager belongings (to go with his meager belongings LOL he left most everything for his ex-wife and children) to Syracuse to our first apartment in the Frontenac Genesee Apartments on W. Genesee St. in Syracuse – GOD I loved that apartment and transferred to the Sears at Great Northern Mall in Clay, NY.  At first the kids visited us regularly as per the custody agreement but, eventually his ex got to the point where she ignored that.  She began dating almost as soon as he moved out which makes me wonder if Patty wasn’t talking to Dave at the same time Keith was talking to me….can you say irony boys and girls.  Anyway….Patty remarried and got Keith to give permission for her to take the kids out of the country to Germany.  Hanover, the company Keith worked at, was restructuring and I was bemoaning the fact that I missed my family and friends so we decided that we’d move back to VA about a year after I got there.

We quickly signed a lease on an apartment on W. Grace Street – cute apartment but had a bit of a bug problem.  Oh and Keith will NEVER live down the dreaded Cadbury Egg and Crack Whore incident which resulted in our checkbook being stolen.  No good deed goes unpunished….remember that.  We were introduced to Maria and Irish friend of Ben’s husband Tim and found out that the house next to her, in Woodland Heights, was for rent.  We ended up renting that house and stayed for almost a year there on W. 24th Street.  We would walk the neighborhood in the evenings with the dog and grew to REALLY love the area – we both love older homes – and one day went to an open house on W. 28th Street.  Unbeknownst to me, Keith put an offer in on the house after repeatedly asking me if I really liked it…I finally asked him why and that’s when he told me.  

We moved to W. 28th – our first house – and lived there for 8 very happy years and in that time grew to love our neighbors and friends and we had numerous parties and gatherings – Keith believes that hospitality is the highest of all Christian virtues and really likes to open his home to others and have people over for good food, good drink and good company.  Eventually, his son, Ian moved in with us – Yay I became a parent after all.  After Ian graduated, he moved in with Nicky and that kind of bothered me because I only ‘had a kid’ for a few brief years and hated that he felt grown and didn’t ‘need’ us anymore.

We sold our house in Woodland Heights while the real estate market was still very strong in 2006 and moved to Walnut Hill in Petersburg, VA – worst.mistake.ever.  However, I have met a few folks since moving here that have made ‘Life in the ‘burg Bearable’ – wow sounds like the title of a Blog or a Book maybe?  OH and we also got LEGALLY married in Canada in 2006 as well – though we sort of count when we first met as our anniversary date.  We’ll have been in our current house for 3 years in January and I’ve since decided that I will NEVER have another house that was built before I was born.  I like old houses yes but, I have decided that I like RENOVATED old houses – not ones that I have to do the work on.  So, it will either be a totally renovated older house OR one that was built at least in 1969.  I’m hoping that the ‘burg picks up though it has a TON of potential.

All this to say, Happy Anniversary Keith, here’s to another 13+ years and I love you very much!!!!

Interesting to note – I think we prove some bigots wrong about gay/lesbian marriage – my same-sex, monogamous relationship has outlasted my two sister’s heterosexual marriages – not that I’m braggin’ … just pointing out a detail =)

Wow…longest post I think I’ve ever made and I still feel like I didn’t tell the whole story….will have to work on that.

This past week has been a blur getting ready for the annual Winter Closing here at the university.  After today, we don’t come back to work until January 5, 2009 – and only have to use 4 hours of our own leave to cover the two weeks off.  Pretty sweet eh?  I would gladly trade the two weeks off for my raise though.  State workers were supposed to get a raise November 25 which was put off until July 2009 but, after Governor Kaine’s last conference regarding the economy and budget shortfalls, we were basically told ‘Don’t hold your breath’ for that July raise either.  All-in-all though I guess I’ll drink the ‘Would you rather have a job or a raise?’ Kool-Aid, now if only the UAW workers would learn to embrace that mantra. 

We had to get the brakes on my Passat fixed…to the tune of $272 bucks which, to some, may not be a lot but, just before Christmas…..SUCKED.  I don’t know if I believe that Merchants was fair and square with the issue either.  Normally rotors on cars can be turned/machined one time before having to be replaced and they said mine were too thin and could not be turned.  Now, when I bought the car it only had 20k miles on it so I doubt the original owner had to have any brake work done (I could be wrong) and I KNOW that I never had any problems since I bought the car with brakes.  Oh and my $99/axle coupon for Merchants didn’t work – my car, it seems, did not qualify as “Most Cars & Light Trucks”.  I shouldn’t be surprised though, any time I have a coupon for them, my car NEVER qualifies – I guess I shoulda bought a POS Ford Focus or Chevy Cavalier, maybe then I could use their coupons.   So, Keith said ‘Merry Christmas’ I’ll pay for it – YAY just what I always wanted, brake pads and rotors….whooo hoooo!!!  This after we’d said we were NOT going to exchange gifts this year to save a bit of money.

Let’s see….what else….I heard about this on NPR on the way to work this morning and I’m ticked about the fact that the United States has refused to sign the United Nations Declaration to decriminalize homosexuality.  Also the Vatican protested the declaration – isn’t that just too funny?  I mean as Nathan Lane said in Jeffery, “Maybe you didn’t hear me. I’m a CATHOLIC priest. Historically, that falls somewhere between chorus boy and florist.”  God forbid the US join the other civilized nations of the world in taking the stance that it is not some horrid sin to be gay – way to go!  

I made my batch of Amish Friendship Bread – Kristy gave me the starter for it last week – and I have to say it turned out very tasty.  I took the better looking of the two loaves to work to share since everyone was bringing in all kinds of cookies, cakes, and various and sundry sweet things and folks liked it.  I ended up giving two of the starters out to co-workers (yes I asked first instead of surprising them with it) and keeping one for myself, because I REALLY liked this bread.  I would have had another but Ollie apparently decided to eat one of the bags yesterday that I mistakenly left within his evil sneaky-dog reach.  I think I like baking – although I’d probably look for some healthier alternatives to whip up.

This was my second week going to Snap – I went Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Today….GO ME!  I would have gone Wednesday too but I woke up with a WICKED sinus headache and figured the last thing I wanted to do was exercise.  I’m actually kind of proud of myself for hauling my ass out of bed at 4:30 AM to go to the gym – I know me, if I tried to do it after I got home, I wouldn’t go.  Once I’m home.  I’m Home.  That’s just the way it is.  Anyway it’s fun in the morning, I get it out of the way.  Usually there are only 2 other people in there when I go, I’ve seen the same two ladies all week – well today I was the only one there from 4:40 to 5:30 so….

The house next to us had a For Sale sign in the yard when we got home from work yesterday and I confess I was very taken aback by what it said.  I don’t understand how the Petersburg Assessor’s website shows Federal National Mortgage Association bought the house on 10/21/08 for sale price of $119,892 and now some other realty company is listing the house for $88,000.  I mean WTF…..$88,000 – that is half of what we paid for our house 3 years ago!!!  Eh though I did tell Keith I thought it would be cool if we had enough equity in our house to buy it and then rent it to Ian and Nicky for the mortgage payment – I mean it would be half of what ours is (I imagine) and that is I think less than what they are paying in rent out in Brandermill for their apartment though I doubt they would want to live RIGHT NEXT to us *shrug*  Yes, I know that rule, never do business with family or friends because it only leads to bad feelings but, it’s nice to think these things in my head LOL.

Tonight we’re going to hang out at Minerva’s for a bit with Kristy – theres a reading and book signing by Emily and John Salmon which should be fun – maybe we’ll get a gift out of it for Ron and Debbie.  Keith said an autographed coffee table book of Richmond or Virginia would be a good gift and it would help out our friendly neighborhood purveyor of books at the same time!!  WAIT!!  We get stamps on our frequent shopper card for that – cooooooool.  Now I wonder how I’ll act if a certain someone is there….my poker face is totally bad.  Ah well.

I would like to try to take Alex, the Twins, and Amber down to the James Center to see the lights this weekend and film them some (now that I’ve gotten my camcorder back from Canon – which I must say was a SUPER fast repair and I was VERY impressed with the service) down there playing amongst the trees, reindeer, etc.  That would be fun!

James Center, Downtown Richmond at Christmas

Since I’m off for the next two weeks I should be able to write a bit more – yay!

We had a nice time at Hot Tamale Cafe out in Midlothian – lots of good food, good friends, and good times were had by all…..not to mention some kick ass memories too!  Of course I had my camera =) and I’m still trying to get the hang of taking video with it heh I even tried adding titles and an effect but……

Part I of the Party

Part II of the Party

Still Photos made into a video (hey was my first time trying it with Picasa):

I think my favorite part was her attempt at a blue-faced, Braveheart impersonation…no, really…she did see:

Freeeeeeeeeeeeedom

A good likeness, no?

I would love to thank everyone that came (Kristy, Beth, Bruce, Dale, Shannon, April, Mike, Mike, Ben, Tim, Lynn, Ian, Nicky, and Audrey) and hope that they all had a good time.  Sadly my sister, Amy, and neice, Amber were not able to make it neither were ‘Hot Chick’ and her new man able to come…maybe next year.  I was a bit bummed that I didn’t get to use my outdoor fireplace…SAD FACE…it had rained and all the wood was wet.  Boooooo!

We also found out that lil Miss Audrey can now walk!!! W00t!  Now she will be into EVERYTHING….lol.  We will really need to baby proof the house now.

Pictures available on my Picasa Album and one of my few attempts at video on my digital camera hahahaha