CHUCK IN A BOX

I still don’t get that people think separate but equal is okay.  Saw a story on the local news that ‘Same-Sex Parters are to get Federal Benefits‘ but in reading the story, you see that they still do not get the same benefits that their heterosexual co-workers, colleagues, etc. get.  Why is that?  Don’t get me wrong, I think it is a WONDERFUL step forward for LGBT Rights but, what would/could be the logic behind:

the partners would still not have access to primary health insurance or to pensions.

Soooo after you bust your ass for them for 30 plus years, make it to retirement, enjoy that for a while and pass on, your surviving spouse – That’s right…SPOUSE – is not eligible to benefit from your pension.  Fine then take away that benefit for married, heterosexual Federal employees if it is not such a big deal.  Betcha that ain’t gonna happen.

I do agree with the Obama administration in that the LGBT community needs to chill the f%^$ out a little bit and give the man a chance to do what he can.  We’re sounding no better than those pesky neo-cons who are giving him a raft of shit for not being able to fix in 6 months what Dubya screwed up in 8 YEARS.

Oh yeah and the “poll” on the WTVR site saying 60% thing same-sex benefits for federal employees is a bad idea and only 30% think it is okay…why am I not surprised?  I DO live in the state Commonwealth of Bubbas.

I’ve just been busy with work, family, and a couple of other projects I’ve been working on.  I have promised myself that I’ll make the time to try to blog every couple of days.

Soooo what’s happened recently….

Um California courts upheld Prop 8, no surprise there, I just wish my ‘brothers and sisters’ would take a step back from all the angry protesting and such and take a look at what the court had to rule on.  If I’m understanding correctly, they were ruling on whether or not Prop 8 was an amendment to the California Constitution or if it was a change to the document.  I think it is just going to take some couple filing a suit and showing that this garbage piece of legislation still flies in the face of California’s Equal Protection Clause and should be stricken.  Again, our founding fathers did NOT mean for the majority to vote on the rules of the minority, that is why we do not have a pure democracy – we have a federated republic.  Most people don’t really know that sadly, even though they know the words to The Pledge of Allegiance, which contains the words “and to the Republic for which it stands”.

Susan Boylelost BGT to Diversity – don’t get me wrong, those dancers are good and I could never begin to do what they can but…..street dancers? Really?  I mean I can see Susan selling out concert halls but, do people pay to go so a street dance troupe?  Well, other than ballet and stuff?  I guess you can tell who I was rooting for, huh?

Well, time to get ready for bed.  Gotta be up at 5 AM – weeeeeeeee fun.

This morning, the “National Organization for Marriage” launched a disturbing ad using actors to push lies claiming that marriage equalty threatens personal freedoms. The ad is going up on the airwaves across America — eight times a day in California — as NOM seeks to build what they are calling a “rainbow coalition” against equality.

What is REALLY laughable is that they say the people in the ad are not actors but, here are the audition reels – wow some people will do anything for money I guess.  What a bunch of asshats.

Audition Tape 1:

Audition Tape 2:

I guess with the passage of legislation in Vermont and the new same sex ruling in Iowa coupled with MA and CT and the potential for CA to go to same-sex marriage these wackos are getting desperate.

From the Associated Press:

A judge has issued New York state’s first ruling that the survivor of a legal same-sex marriage is entitled to inherit a dead spouse’s estate.

Manhattan Surrogate Court Judge Kristin Booth Glen ruled that J. Craig Leiby was “the surviving spouse” and sole heir of H. Kenneth Ranftle.

For the full story clicky linky

I had heard that New York was going to recognize foreign same sex marriages – I don’t understand how/why they would do that but would not allow same sex marriages in their state.  Oh well….the times they are a’ changin’ and changing for the better (but then, I guess THAT depends on who you ask – LOL) 

Oh no, I like gay people I have a few friends are gay and my mom LOVES to watch ‘Queer Eye for the Straight Guy’!  I’ll never forget that one as long as I live….

Dunno her position on Prop 8, just happened to find this and thought it was funny.

Like some tired old Klansman of days gone by, Prop 8 supporters were trying to hide their faces behind the white sheets/hoods of anonymity.  But a Federal judge has denied Prop 8 supporters request to withhold disclosure of the names and address of Prop 8 supporters (you know the ones who wanted to ban same-sex marriage in CA) – as noted in the LA Times.  If they are so proud of their cause/support, why would they be ashamed of their support of said support being made public.  

I, personally, prefer to know who the bigots are – yes, I understand that people are entitled to their opinions but, IMHO voting to TAKE AWAY rights of others makes you a bigot….YES so, I really like this handy database I found that lets me see who donated what and who they work for.  Wow, imagine my surprise when I found people in Virginia that work for huge companies that have impressive diversity policies that donated to take away rights of their fellow citizens.  Even a few people in Richmond donated to Yes on 8 – luckily, the majority of the donors (local) donated to fight against the proposition.

From his LA Times article – Bob Barr, the author of the federal Defense of Marriage Act, admits that he was wrong and now thinks it’s time for his law to get the boot and, frankly, I couldn’t agree more.  Even President Elect Obama believes that DOMA needs to be stricken down.  YAY Obama! 

In effect, DOMA’s language reflects one-way federalism: It protects only those states that don’t want to accept a same-sex marriage granted by another state. Moreover, the heterosexual definition of marriage for purposes of federal laws — including, immigration, Social Security survivor rights and veteran’s benefits — has become a de facto club used to limit, if not thwart, the ability of a state to choose to recognize same-sex unions.

I guess this really isn’t NEW news, since he stated the same thing in May of last year at the 2008 Libertarian National Convention (see below) but I still think it’s a ‘Good Thing’ – yes, yes….I love Martha – Deal With It.

Join the Impact is seeking to gather at least one million signatures on an Open Letter to President Barack Obama to be delivered to him on his first day in office, in protest of DOMA.

Find out more at Join the Impact!  The event itself will vary by location depending on organizers availability and local sense of how to best do it.  Here’s a link to information for cities in Virginia.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that comment and I guess my only reaction really is sort of a ‘Yeah – what did you think?’  I don’t go around with a tiara on my head or anything and I certainly don’t introduce myself, “Hi, I’m Chuck – and I’m gay!  Nice to meet you.” but, conversely there is no shame in my game – if someone has the balls to ask me if I’m gay then, I certainly have the balls to answer them honestly.  I’ve gotten the ‘..but you’re so normal’ comment a bit more than I would really like – after all, what is it people are expecting?  I really think the uninformed masses are expecting us (gays and lesbians) to be something akin to what they see in the media.  

Every time I see coverage of an LGBT event or something like a Pride event, inevitably, the media focuses on THE most extreme attendants.  How many times I have seen leather daddies, drag queens, guys in jockstraps and combat boots, dykes on bikes, etc. versus the number of oh say….Log Cabin Republicans or gay/lesbian families with children?  (Side note – I should say that, IMHO, there is nothing wrong with being into leather, drag, etc. if that is your bag – after all, there are also a fair number of heterosexuals in the leather/fetish/cross dressing community.  I think the media focuses too much on those ‘fringe’ groups for ratings and sensationalism instead of showing non-stereotypical gays and lesbians.)

Once people get to know me and are more comfortable around me, the topic of my personal life comes up they are usually very surprised all in all.  I also get comments like, ‘You’re the first gay person I’ve known’ or ‘You’re the first gay person I’ve been comfortable enough with to ask this but…’ – I usually tell them that I am happy to answer their questions.  I would rather people ask me and give me the opportunity to let them be informed versus going around assuming things about me and other LGBT folks (not that I speak for all of us but…).  In the end, most of the folks I talk to come to the realization that, ‘Wow, you’re just like me/us’ and that’s really all I want people to know.

I mean I AM just like you with the exception of something that I actually find about as significant to the whole as the color of my eyes.  I am Chuck; I’m a friend; I’m a son; I’m a brother; I’m a co-worker; I’m a father; I’m a grandfather; I’m a fellow human and…I just ‘happen’ to be gay.  I am so much more than my sexuality, I’m just sorry that there are those out there that seem to focus on that small part of me first and foremost among all of my other qualities and contributions.

We worry about the same things you do – will my son make the right decisions? will the three houses around me sell soon so my property value can recover? will my job still be there 6 months from now?  which bill do I put off paying this month so I can afford to buy my niece a birthday present? should I start saving now for the new windshield I’m going to need for my car to pass inspection? what kind of anniversary present should I get my son and daughter-in-law? which store has the best price on fridge pack sodas this week? etc.

Do I want to destroy marriage?  Do I want to undermine YOUR traditions?  Do I want to flaunt my sexuality?  No, as a matter of fact I.DO.NOT. but, what I do want is to have exactly the same rights and benefits that many heterosexual couples wake up with and take for granted on a daily basis.  If my neighbors husband dies, she is able to receive his pension or social security benefits; if my neighbors wife is in the hospital, he automatically has the right to be there and say what happens if she is unable to do so; if my neighbors husband is placed into a nursing home, she is not forced to sell her home to pay for his care; if my neighbors wife is wrongfully killed in an automobile accident, he has the right to sue for wrongful death or loss of consortium.  There are many more examples of federal and state benefits that heterosexual couples automatically receive just by getting married.

On the order of 1,400 legal rights are conferred upon married couples in the U.S. Typically these are composed of about 400 state benefits and over 1,000 federal benefits. Among them are the rights to:

• joint parenting;
• joint adoption;
• joint foster care, custody, and visitation (including non-biological parents);
• status as next-of-kin for hospital visits and medical decisions where one partner is too ill to be competent;
• joint insurance policies for home, auto and health;
• dissolution and divorce protections such as community property and child support;
• immigration and residency for partners from other countries;
• inheritance automatically in the absence of a will;
• joint leases with automatic renewal rights in the event one partner dies or leaves the house or apartment;
• inheritance of jointly-owned real and personal property through the right of survivorship (which avoids the time and expense and taxes in probate);
• benefits such as annuities, pension plans, Social Security, and Medicare;
• spousal exemptions to property tax increases upon the death of one partner who is a co-owner of the home;
• veterans’ discounts on medical care, education, and home loans; joint filing of tax returns;
• joint filing of customs claims when traveling;
• wrongful death benefits for a surviving partner and children;
• bereavement or sick leave to care for a partner or child;
• decision-making power with respect to whether a deceased partner will be cremated or not and where to bury him or her;
• crime victims’ recovery benefits;
• loss of consortium tort benefits;
• domestic violence protection orders;
• judicial protections and evidentiary immunity;
• and more….

Most of these legal and economic benefits cannot be privately arranged or contracted for. For example, absent a legal (or civil) marriage, there is no guaranteed joint responsibility to the partner and to third parties (including children) in such areas as child support, debts to creditors, taxes, etc. In addition, private employers and institutions often give other economic privileges and other benefits (special rates or memberships) only to married couples. And, of course, when people cannot marry, they are denied all the emotional and social benefits and responsibilities of marriage as well.

I like that I’m able to help people understand that we’re just like them – as Keith says about some of the people I’ve complained about at work after finding out that they contribute HEAVILY to anti-gay groups, “You may be the only example of a happy, healthy, normal gay relationship that BLANK ever sees.  By knowing you BLANK may come to understand that maybe everything he/she has been lead to believe really is not true.”  Don’t get me wrong – those anti-gay folks are absolutely entitled to their opinions (otherwise I’d be as guilty of intolerance as some of them are apt to be) HOWEVER, their opinions should not lead them to attempt to legislate the rights of others.

It just boggles my mind that there are SO MANY sites run by ‘Christian’ people whose sole raison d’etre seems to be their preoccupation with homosexuals.  I mean, REALLY, I do not spend my every waking moment worrying about what my heterosexual neighbors may/may not be doing in bed or in their home – why is it that these folks (I refuse to give them the press by linking to their sites) have nothing better to do?  Imagine if all of that energy was put towards feeding the starving here in the US or providing shelter to the homeless or some other cause that is positive.  Oh well, to each their own I suppose. 

Let’s remember, we are a Republic, not a Democracy.  That means that the org chart for our country has everyone reporting to The Constitution – NOT THE PEOPLE.  Think about that.  Neither the president, the courts or even the legislature report to the people.  They report to the Constitution, and are duty bound to uphold the Constitutional Will, not the Peoples’ Will.  Watch this video if you need some basic training on the government of America. We are not a democracy, and never have been. We are a republic. We are a country of laws – and that includes the 14th Amendment.

Gay Adoption Recognized in Louisana

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I, honestly, do not see why so many in the LGBT community are up in arms over Obama having Rev. Rick Warren give the invocation at the inauguration ceremony.  I agree there were probably better choices – more moderate (in my view) but, Obama is EVERYONE’S President.  I think sometimes my LGBT family forgets that this means he represents everyone – right wing, left wing, liberal, conservative, etc.  I think he Obama were to exclude people because he/we didn’t agree with 100% of what they said then he/we would be just as guilty of intolerance as those people that we fight against.  Not to mention that he has Rev. Joseph Lowery, a gay friendly pastor, giving the benediction at the inauguration ceremony so it all works out….Obama is doing what he said he would do, he’s reaching out to EVERYONE which I, frankly, appreciate.  

I really liked what James Hipps said about it:

When it comes to trying to understand those who oppose us, it can be very difficult.  But I have a method which often works for me.  I call it the “beach ball theory”.  If I am standing in front of a giant beach ball, and you are standing opposite of me, then perhaps I see the ball to be blue and yellow, and you see the ball to be green and red.  Now we can argue back and forth all day that the ball is blue and yellow, and green and red, and we can stand up for what we know is right (after all, from my side the ball is blue and yellow).  However, its not until we are able to work together and turn that ball around, that we can start to see the other colors and start to understand that if it wasn’t for all four colors, that is wouldn’t be a ball at all.  Sometimes we get so caught up in knowing we’re right, we forget to take into consideration that two halves make a whole.

Now, not to say that my side of the ball won’t always be blue and yellow, and your side may always be red and green, but as long as we can see the whole, there won’t be anything to argue about.  OK, Your side is red and green, my side is blue and yellow.

Heck – I’m sure  SOMEWHERE there is some atheist group all up in arms because there is even an invocation or benediction.  Again, that saying proves true, “You can please all of the people some of the time; some of the people all of the time but, you can’t please all of the people all of the time.”  I think, because I would never try to speak for every LGBT person, that if we as a community expect heterosexuals to be a bit more tolerant of us, then we need to practice what we preach.  You don’t have to like it, you don’t have to believe it and a groups opinions should not affect the rights of others but, we should respect their right to believe that way.  I don’t know…something about ‘catching more flies with honey than vinegar’ or something like that.