I say this because I’m beginning to tire of keeping up with the “other blog/website” and all that goes with it.  I can totally understand why BP may have felt drained by hers and have a totally new found respect for what she and (OMG) people like JM do with his.  I mean being online has become almost a requirement to the point where it really isn’t “fun” anymore.  I think Kristy tried to warn me about this and I thought, no, no I can do it (insert chest thumping here) and it doesn’t take up that much time at all…..little did I know.

I know a couple of people who are going to be VERY happy to see that I’m loosing momentum, as a matter of fact, I bet they were waiting/counting on it LOL.  Guess I can’t really blame them, if I’d been completely honest with myself from the get-go, I would have realized I don’t have that kind of dedication and commitment, especially to something that I’m not really that passionate about.  I don’t know why I thought I could engage a community and get some discussion going…how stupid of me, and maybe I’m not giving it enough time.  I was actually amazed that the site has 70-80 something visitors each day over the last couple of days compared to the mid 30′s it normally gets on a daily basis.

I think I would much rather write about things that I like/want to on my own personal blog; spend more time on my photography and actually being involved with my family and friends more than camped in front of a glowing display typing up notes on computer trying to inform a city about things going on in/around them.

Oh well, we’ll see how it goes but, I think MyPBG may start taking a back seat to MyLIFE.

….the only bad part is that when this happens I instantly feel like a failure when I shouldn’t.  I wanted to try to do something and I did…I guess that’s how we learn if we like something or not by making an effort to try.

Recently, after seeing her lug around a CD Walkman (OMG HOW absolutely archaic is THAT) and those big ole padded headphones for far too long, my father broke down and bought my mom a nice Sony MP3 player.  I guess he got tired of seeing her with that sac purse – yes she bought a sack purse to carry around the house with her to hold her CD walkman in while she cleaned the house – God love her.  So, now she has this thing and doesn’t quite know how to work it.  She asks my ‘never without her iPod’ niece to help her with it.  Amber apparently explains that she doesn’t know how to work anything but an iPod, wow so young and already in that Apple Cult I guess, and cannot help her grandmother.

Mom calls me, the son, Jr. – cause well….I’m kinda a big deal …… in Japan.  Nah, I am the only one in the family that really knows much about technology.  Wait…isn’t that my 13 year old nephew Alex in there on his wirelessly connected laptop surfing MySpace?  And…and….isn’t that my 6 year old nephew Antonio rocking that DS game? Hmmmm I guess she just has more confidence in my…cause…well…I’m the shit….. in my mind.

Back on topic.  So mom wants me to come over because she has this mp3 player but cannot get anyone to help her actually get music onto it (makes for a really swank paperweight I reckon) and can I help her.  SURE!  I’ve had an mp3 player, I know how to read instructions that come with electronic merchandise, I’m sure I can figure it out.  After arriving at moms place, I quickly show her just how fast it is to rip her own CDs onto the laptop that I gave her and then sync her mp3 player to her music library.  Color her stunned.  She’s amazed at how fast it is.  Before long we have all of her Travis Tritt, Elvis, and other music I know nothing about on her mp3 player and she’s THRILLED.

No more going around the house with a bag around your neck holding your CD walkman, the 8 foot cord, and other accessories – just stick the little mp3 player in your pocket and away you go.

I love my mom.  It’s so great seeing her get so amazed at things that I sort of take for granted.  Is this a glimpse of what it will be like as she and dad move further into their golden years – me the parent and they the child marveling at the wonders of … well….stuff?

Who knows – I just know it makes me feel needed by my parents and it’s a way of letting me feel like I’m able to help them out, even if it is only something as silly as loading songs onto a music player.  *shrug*

But, is it art?

 So I think (read as hope) that today’s visit at Davis & Nyczepir will be my last follow-up visit.  It has been about 2 years since my braces came off and I’m tired of the whole ordeal.  I mean it’s like any other doctor appointment – you wait for about 30-45 minutes or so, you see the doctor for maybe 5 minutes while he looks at the retainer and yer done. 

I have absolutely no regrets about getting the braces and I’m kinda glad that I didn’t have them when I was a youngster.  The 2 years FLEW by as an adult – though I can tell ya, I cursed the metal brackets MANY times when I wanted to eat out.  There really is no delicate way of trying to pry food out of those things and you hate to excuse yourself from the table every few minutes.  Leafy green things (spinach, kale, turnip greens, collards, salad) were the absolute WORST for me, not to mention 2 years of no popcorn or chewing gum.

My big thing now is remembering to wear my retainers at night when I go to bed.  One of the three of them is fixed so no worries there and putting the other two in my mouth really doesn’t take any effort – it’s just REMEMBERING to do it.  I need a little night time check-list like a 5 year old I guess.

As I said, I have no regrets about doing it – it is really amazing the amount of confidence it gave me.  I don’t cover my mouth like a little Geisha girlwhen I laugh anymore either which I REALLY like.  Now I have to work on making them super, uber white (I guess about 40 years of tea, smoking, and coffee do tend to take their toll on how lustrous your chompers look) – maybe one of those Zoomlaser whiteners?  Then again….lasers…..in my mouth…..mmmmaybe notsomuch.

This morning, the “National Organization for Marriage” launched a disturbing ad using actors to push lies claiming that marriage equalty threatens personal freedoms. The ad is going up on the airwaves across America — eight times a day in California — as NOM seeks to build what they are calling a “rainbow coalition” against equality.

What is REALLY laughable is that they say the people in the ad are not actors but, here are the audition reels – wow some people will do anything for money I guess.  What a bunch of asshats.

Audition Tape 1:

Audition Tape 2:

I guess with the passage of legislation in Vermont and the new same sex ruling in Iowa coupled with MA and CT and the potential for CA to go to same-sex marriage these wackos are getting desperate.

I've had MANY of these days!

Researchers also reported that some caffeine users considered themselves addicted to caffeine because they were unable to quit or cut down on their usage.

Snow from back deck at 6:30 AM

Snow on my Passat!

It was actually enough to have several schools opening 2 hours late but, then again, this is Virginia….we panic when it rains hard, let alone a little snow.  As much as I hated dealing with the snow in Syracuse, I really would LOVE to have one REALLY, big snowstorm….at least 1 per year….that isn’t asking too much is it? 

I think part of the problem is that I get ‘stingy’ with my ‘personal’ time.  Waking up at 4:30 in the morning to go to the gym then coming home and getting ready for work – working all day M-F and then getting home about 5 PM, I feel like 12 of my 24 hours are gone just like that *snap*.  Next, factor in 1-2 hours to unwind from work, eat, play with the dogs, pick up around the house plus 8 hours for sleep each night and I’m left with only about 2 hours per day….TWO HOURS?!?!  I refuse to be one of those people who live my life by a day-runner type pocket planner but MY GOD how else do working adults find the time to DO things they WANT to do after doing everything they HAVE to do?

Part of the ‘problem’ seems to be that – and my mother always told me this would happen – as I get older, time goes by faster and faster.  I swear, it seemed like it took FOREVER before I was able to drive (16); then FOREVER before I would graduate high school (18); FOREVER until I was legally able to drink (21) and now…I just can’t slow time down.  I totally understand what she meant now….of course then, I didn’t get it – kids never appreciate what their parents tell them until they get to ‘that’ age.  She also used to tell me that ‘Youth was wasted on the young because they don’t appreciate it.’  Again, I TOTALLY get that now mom!

LOL I remember my best friend, Ben, and I talking about how we would either kill ourselves or get married (to women) when we reached 40 – because older gays are pretty much ostracized in the gay community.  Now that I’m almost 40 (well about a week away) I cannot imagine doing EITHER of those things.  I, for the most part, really like my life and wouldn’t change a thing (except for moving from Woodland Heights – Richmond to Walnut Hill – Petersburg).  I do, quite frankly, worry that I won’t have enough time to accomplish everything that I want to do/see in my life before its over.  I have no doubt that the next 40 (or however many there will be) years will go significantly faster than the previous 40.  I guess the moral is that you have to make EVERY day, EVERY moment count.  UGGGG what is this I’m having some sort of mid-life realization/crisis thing???  Will it make me a better person?  Will I finally MAKE time for everything that I want to do.

I realize that after I retire (thank God I work for the State and have a nice deferred compensation plan, pension, and other benefits – I won’t be one of those retirees eating cat food LOL) I’ll have a lot more ‘free’ time for travel, gardening, reading, yada yada but, I want to make sure I can do some of that stuff – hiking up to Machu Picchu – while I’m virile enough to do it.  (Wow…like 40 makes me ancient and incapable of walking/hiking LOL….NOT).  Oddly though I know I’m aging, I still think and feel like a child most times – mom always said I suffered from PPS (Peter Pan Syndrome) – well I’m rambling now, guess I’ll go get more coffee, get Keith up, and be about the business of the day – God knows there is stuff to be done!

Please meet young Master Aden

 Yes, yes, yes – Aden Parker was born at 12:14 AM on Sunday, December 21, 2008 just shy of his original expected due date of 12/26 or 12/27.  Aden is the son of a co-worker/friend or mine, Shannon, and her partner April (they are also neighbors of ours in ‘The ‘Burg’).  After talking to Shannon last night about natural childbirth (the way they chose to go) I have a new-found respect for what April went through – all I have to say is “WOW!”

I, of course, being the super emotional mess that I can be, got all watery eyed listening to how everything went – especially when hearing that April got to finish taking Aden out herself – I can only imagine how that would be an incredible bonding experience.  I told Keith I want a baby – I frequent the AdoptUSKids site on a regular basis as it is – and he proceeded to tell me that I couldn’t have one because I can barely clean the cat box – grrrrrrrrrr.  We have Ian, who I totally regard as my son, but I sometimes think I missed something not having him around until he was about 15 – yay the mouthy years of puberty and teenage angst – FUN!

Not to make the wee lad a political symbol or anything but, its little guys like Aden that make me realize just how important ‘our’ families are and how they are every bit as good and meaningful as any ‘traditional’ family.

I think I’m going to go meet him in person tonight!  I <3 babies!!

Every time I see coverage of an LGBT event or something like a Pride event, inevitably, the media focuses on THE most extreme attendants.  How many times I have seen leather daddies, drag queens, guys in jockstraps and combat boots, dykes on bikes, etc. versus the number of oh say….Log Cabin Republicans or gay/lesbian families with children?  (Side note – I should say that, IMHO, there is nothing wrong with being into leather, drag, etc. if that is your bag – after all, there are also a fair number of heterosexuals in the leather/fetish/cross dressing community.  I think the media focuses too much on those ‘fringe’ groups for ratings and sensationalism instead of showing non-stereotypical gays and lesbians.)

Once people get to know me and are more comfortable around me, the topic of my personal life comes up they are usually very surprised all in all.  I also get comments like, ‘You’re the first gay person I’ve known’ or ‘You’re the first gay person I’ve been comfortable enough with to ask this but…’ – I usually tell them that I am happy to answer their questions.  I would rather people ask me and give me the opportunity to let them be informed versus going around assuming things about me and other LGBT folks (not that I speak for all of us but…).  In the end, most of the folks I talk to come to the realization that, ‘Wow, you’re just like me/us’ and that’s really all I want people to know.

I mean I AM just like you with the exception of something that I actually find about as significant to the whole as the color of my eyes.  I am Chuck; I’m a friend; I’m a son; I’m a brother; I’m a co-worker; I’m a father; I’m a grandfather; I’m a fellow human and…I just ‘happen’ to be gay.  I am so much more than my sexuality, I’m just sorry that there are those out there that seem to focus on that small part of me first and foremost among all of my other qualities and contributions.

We worry about the same things you do – will my son make the right decisions? will the three houses around me sell soon so my property value can recover? will my job still be there 6 months from now?  which bill do I put off paying this month so I can afford to buy my niece a birthday present? should I start saving now for the new windshield I’m going to need for my car to pass inspection? what kind of anniversary present should I get my son and daughter-in-law? which store has the best price on fridge pack sodas this week? etc.

Do I want to destroy marriage?  Do I want to undermine YOUR traditions?  Do I want to flaunt my sexuality?  No, as a matter of fact I.DO.NOT. but, what I do want is to have exactly the same rights and benefits that many heterosexual couples wake up with and take for granted on a daily basis.  If my neighbors husband dies, she is able to receive his pension or social security benefits; if my neighbors wife is in the hospital, he automatically has the right to be there and say what happens if she is unable to do so; if my neighbors husband is placed into a nursing home, she is not forced to sell her home to pay for his care; if my neighbors wife is wrongfully killed in an automobile accident, he has the right to sue for wrongful death or loss of consortium.  There are many more examples of federal and state benefits that heterosexual couples automatically receive just by getting married.

On the order of 1,400 legal rights are conferred upon married couples in the U.S. Typically these are composed of about 400 state benefits and over 1,000 federal benefits. Among them are the rights to:

• joint parenting;
• joint adoption;
• joint foster care, custody, and visitation (including non-biological parents);
• status as next-of-kin for hospital visits and medical decisions where one partner is too ill to be competent;
• joint insurance policies for home, auto and health;
• dissolution and divorce protections such as community property and child support;
• immigration and residency for partners from other countries;
• inheritance automatically in the absence of a will;
• joint leases with automatic renewal rights in the event one partner dies or leaves the house or apartment;
• inheritance of jointly-owned real and personal property through the right of survivorship (which avoids the time and expense and taxes in probate);
• benefits such as annuities, pension plans, Social Security, and Medicare;
• spousal exemptions to property tax increases upon the death of one partner who is a co-owner of the home;
• veterans’ discounts on medical care, education, and home loans; joint filing of tax returns;
• joint filing of customs claims when traveling;
• wrongful death benefits for a surviving partner and children;
• bereavement or sick leave to care for a partner or child;
• decision-making power with respect to whether a deceased partner will be cremated or not and where to bury him or her;
• crime victims’ recovery benefits;
• loss of consortium tort benefits;
• domestic violence protection orders;
• judicial protections and evidentiary immunity;
• and more….

Most of these legal and economic benefits cannot be privately arranged or contracted for. For example, absent a legal (or civil) marriage, there is no guaranteed joint responsibility to the partner and to third parties (including children) in such areas as child support, debts to creditors, taxes, etc. In addition, private employers and institutions often give other economic privileges and other benefits (special rates or memberships) only to married couples. And, of course, when people cannot marry, they are denied all the emotional and social benefits and responsibilities of marriage as well.

I like that I’m able to help people understand that we’re just like them – as Keith says about some of the people I’ve complained about at work after finding out that they contribute HEAVILY to anti-gay groups, “You may be the only example of a happy, healthy, normal gay relationship that BLANK ever sees.  By knowing you BLANK may come to understand that maybe everything he/she has been lead to believe really is not true.”  Don’t get me wrong – those anti-gay folks are absolutely entitled to their opinions (otherwise I’d be as guilty of intolerance as some of them are apt to be) HOWEVER, their opinions should not lead them to attempt to legislate the rights of others.

It just boggles my mind that there are SO MANY sites run by ‘Christian’ people whose sole raison d’etre seems to be their preoccupation with homosexuals.  I mean, REALLY, I do not spend my every waking moment worrying about what my heterosexual neighbors may/may not be doing in bed or in their home – why is it that these folks (I refuse to give them the press by linking to their sites) have nothing better to do?  Imagine if all of that energy was put towards feeding the starving here in the US or providing shelter to the homeless or some other cause that is positive.  Oh well, to each their own I suppose. 

Let’s remember, we are a Republic, not a Democracy.  That means that the org chart for our country has everyone reporting to The Constitution – NOT THE PEOPLE.  Think about that.  Neither the president, the courts or even the legislature report to the people.  They report to the Constitution, and are duty bound to uphold the Constitutional Will, not the Peoples’ Will.  Watch this video if you need some basic training on the government of America. We are not a democracy, and never have been. We are a republic. We are a country of laws – and that includes the 14th Amendment.