CHUCK IN A BOX

I’ve just been busy with work, family, and a couple of other projects I’ve been working on.  I have promised myself that I’ll make the time to try to blog every couple of days.

Soooo what’s happened recently….

Um California courts upheld Prop 8, no surprise there, I just wish my ‘brothers and sisters’ would take a step back from all the angry protesting and such and take a look at what the court had to rule on.  If I’m understanding correctly, they were ruling on whether or not Prop 8 was an amendment to the California Constitution or if it was a change to the document.  I think it is just going to take some couple filing a suit and showing that this garbage piece of legislation still flies in the face of California’s Equal Protection Clause and should be stricken.  Again, our founding fathers did NOT mean for the majority to vote on the rules of the minority, that is why we do not have a pure democracy – we have a federated republic.  Most people don’t really know that sadly, even though they know the words to The Pledge of Allegiance, which contains the words “and to the Republic for which it stands”.

Susan Boylelost BGT to Diversity – don’t get me wrong, those dancers are good and I could never begin to do what they can but…..street dancers? Really?  I mean I can see Susan selling out concert halls but, do people pay to go so a street dance troupe?  Well, other than ballet and stuff?  I guess you can tell who I was rooting for, huh?

Well, time to get ready for bed.  Gotta be up at 5 AM – weeeeeeeee fun.

Wow – I haven’t posted anything in a while (well….over a week but meh).

He Inspired So Much, In So Many

Today is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day and I think this particular MLK Jr. Day seems even more symbolic because tomorrow the first African American President of the United States of America is sworn into office.  Tomorrow history, for the United States, will be made.  I cannot pretend to imagine what African American citizens went through during the fight for their civil rights but, I wonder if people like MLK Jr. and Rosa Parks and others were called ‘Activists’ like outspoken LGBT citizens are today.  I wonder if there was a ‘Black Agenda’ like the supposed ‘Gay Agenda’ ? If only the LGBT community had such a leader – he inspired so much in so many – I am sure he would have been a very interesting person to know personally.

This is one of those days that I wish my paternal grandfather was still alive (though don’t let that get out, I have an image to maintain).  He was one of those old school racists who said, ‘black people don’t have the capacity to learn that white people have’ and even changed his (and my grandmother’s) will to state that I would be disinherited if I married outside my race.  I wish he was alive if for nothing more than to say, “See papa – you were WRONG!” and see the look on his face to know that an African American was THE most powerful man in the country – and possibly the world.

I enjoyed my MLK Jr. Day off very much – I woke at about 5 AM – because Keith (who DID have to work) WOULDN’T get up with the dogs.  I answered emails and worked on my newest pet project The Anatomy & Neurobiology Blog for my department at VCU; I paid some bills online; got my neice a birthday card (HAPPY 15th BIRTHDAY AMBER!) and some cash; visited with my parental units for a while; talked to my dad about closed radiator systems, ductless heating/cooling, and insulation; talked to my mom about wanted to help my cousin move back to Virginia; looked up various birds that were coming to our feeders and vegged watching LOGO and taking a nap – and enjoying a couple of bowls of Captain Crunch!

From his LA Times article – Bob Barr, the author of the federal Defense of Marriage Act, admits that he was wrong and now thinks it’s time for his law to get the boot and, frankly, I couldn’t agree more.  Even President Elect Obama believes that DOMA needs to be stricken down.  YAY Obama! 

In effect, DOMA’s language reflects one-way federalism: It protects only those states that don’t want to accept a same-sex marriage granted by another state. Moreover, the heterosexual definition of marriage for purposes of federal laws — including, immigration, Social Security survivor rights and veteran’s benefits — has become a de facto club used to limit, if not thwart, the ability of a state to choose to recognize same-sex unions.

I guess this really isn’t NEW news, since he stated the same thing in May of last year at the 2008 Libertarian National Convention (see below) but I still think it’s a ‘Good Thing’ – yes, yes….I love Martha – Deal With It.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that comment and I guess my only reaction really is sort of a ‘Yeah – what did you think?’  I don’t go around with a tiara on my head or anything and I certainly don’t introduce myself, “Hi, I’m Chuck – and I’m gay!  Nice to meet you.” but, conversely there is no shame in my game – if someone has the balls to ask me if I’m gay then, I certainly have the balls to answer them honestly.  I’ve gotten the ‘..but you’re so normal’ comment a bit more than I would really like – after all, what is it people are expecting?  I really think the uninformed masses are expecting us (gays and lesbians) to be something akin to what they see in the media.  

Every time I see coverage of an LGBT event or something like a Pride event, inevitably, the media focuses on THE most extreme attendants.  How many times I have seen leather daddies, drag queens, guys in jockstraps and combat boots, dykes on bikes, etc. versus the number of oh say….Log Cabin Republicans or gay/lesbian families with children?  (Side note – I should say that, IMHO, there is nothing wrong with being into leather, drag, etc. if that is your bag – after all, there are also a fair number of heterosexuals in the leather/fetish/cross dressing community.  I think the media focuses too much on those ‘fringe’ groups for ratings and sensationalism instead of showing non-stereotypical gays and lesbians.)

Once people get to know me and are more comfortable around me, the topic of my personal life comes up they are usually very surprised all in all.  I also get comments like, ‘You’re the first gay person I’ve known’ or ‘You’re the first gay person I’ve been comfortable enough with to ask this but…’ – I usually tell them that I am happy to answer their questions.  I would rather people ask me and give me the opportunity to let them be informed versus going around assuming things about me and other LGBT folks (not that I speak for all of us but…).  In the end, most of the folks I talk to come to the realization that, ‘Wow, you’re just like me/us’ and that’s really all I want people to know.

I mean I AM just like you with the exception of something that I actually find about as significant to the whole as the color of my eyes.  I am Chuck; I’m a friend; I’m a son; I’m a brother; I’m a co-worker; I’m a father; I’m a grandfather; I’m a fellow human and…I just ‘happen’ to be gay.  I am so much more than my sexuality, I’m just sorry that there are those out there that seem to focus on that small part of me first and foremost among all of my other qualities and contributions.

We worry about the same things you do – will my son make the right decisions? will the three houses around me sell soon so my property value can recover? will my job still be there 6 months from now?  which bill do I put off paying this month so I can afford to buy my niece a birthday present? should I start saving now for the new windshield I’m going to need for my car to pass inspection? what kind of anniversary present should I get my son and daughter-in-law? which store has the best price on fridge pack sodas this week? etc.

Do I want to destroy marriage?  Do I want to undermine YOUR traditions?  Do I want to flaunt my sexuality?  No, as a matter of fact I.DO.NOT. but, what I do want is to have exactly the same rights and benefits that many heterosexual couples wake up with and take for granted on a daily basis.  If my neighbors husband dies, she is able to receive his pension or social security benefits; if my neighbors wife is in the hospital, he automatically has the right to be there and say what happens if she is unable to do so; if my neighbors husband is placed into a nursing home, she is not forced to sell her home to pay for his care; if my neighbors wife is wrongfully killed in an automobile accident, he has the right to sue for wrongful death or loss of consortium.  There are many more examples of federal and state benefits that heterosexual couples automatically receive just by getting married.

On the order of 1,400 legal rights are conferred upon married couples in the U.S. Typically these are composed of about 400 state benefits and over 1,000 federal benefits. Among them are the rights to:

• joint parenting;
• joint adoption;
• joint foster care, custody, and visitation (including non-biological parents);
• status as next-of-kin for hospital visits and medical decisions where one partner is too ill to be competent;
• joint insurance policies for home, auto and health;
• dissolution and divorce protections such as community property and child support;
• immigration and residency for partners from other countries;
• inheritance automatically in the absence of a will;
• joint leases with automatic renewal rights in the event one partner dies or leaves the house or apartment;
• inheritance of jointly-owned real and personal property through the right of survivorship (which avoids the time and expense and taxes in probate);
• benefits such as annuities, pension plans, Social Security, and Medicare;
• spousal exemptions to property tax increases upon the death of one partner who is a co-owner of the home;
• veterans’ discounts on medical care, education, and home loans; joint filing of tax returns;
• joint filing of customs claims when traveling;
• wrongful death benefits for a surviving partner and children;
• bereavement or sick leave to care for a partner or child;
• decision-making power with respect to whether a deceased partner will be cremated or not and where to bury him or her;
• crime victims’ recovery benefits;
• loss of consortium tort benefits;
• domestic violence protection orders;
• judicial protections and evidentiary immunity;
• and more….

Most of these legal and economic benefits cannot be privately arranged or contracted for. For example, absent a legal (or civil) marriage, there is no guaranteed joint responsibility to the partner and to third parties (including children) in such areas as child support, debts to creditors, taxes, etc. In addition, private employers and institutions often give other economic privileges and other benefits (special rates or memberships) only to married couples. And, of course, when people cannot marry, they are denied all the emotional and social benefits and responsibilities of marriage as well.

I like that I’m able to help people understand that we’re just like them – as Keith says about some of the people I’ve complained about at work after finding out that they contribute HEAVILY to anti-gay groups, “You may be the only example of a happy, healthy, normal gay relationship that BLANK ever sees.  By knowing you BLANK may come to understand that maybe everything he/she has been lead to believe really is not true.”  Don’t get me wrong – those anti-gay folks are absolutely entitled to their opinions (otherwise I’d be as guilty of intolerance as some of them are apt to be) HOWEVER, their opinions should not lead them to attempt to legislate the rights of others.

It just boggles my mind that there are SO MANY sites run by ‘Christian’ people whose sole raison d’etre seems to be their preoccupation with homosexuals.  I mean, REALLY, I do not spend my every waking moment worrying about what my heterosexual neighbors may/may not be doing in bed or in their home – why is it that these folks (I refuse to give them the press by linking to their sites) have nothing better to do?  Imagine if all of that energy was put towards feeding the starving here in the US or providing shelter to the homeless or some other cause that is positive.  Oh well, to each their own I suppose. 

Let’s remember, we are a Republic, not a Democracy.  That means that the org chart for our country has everyone reporting to The Constitution – NOT THE PEOPLE.  Think about that.  Neither the president, the courts or even the legislature report to the people.  They report to the Constitution, and are duty bound to uphold the Constitutional Will, not the Peoples’ Will.  Watch this video if you need some basic training on the government of America. We are not a democracy, and never have been. We are a republic. We are a country of laws – and that includes the 14th Amendment.

Got this in my inbox today and ab-sa-freakin-lutely LOVED it!

One sunny day in 2009, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Ave, where he’d been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the US Marine standing guard and said, I would like to go in and meet with President Bush. The Marine looked at the man and said, Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here. The old man said, Okay and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, I would like to go in and meet with President Bush. The Marine again told the man, Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here. The man thanked him and, again just walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same US Marine, saying I would like to go in and meet with President Bush. The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I’ve told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don’t you understand?

The old man looked at the Marine and said, Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it. The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, See you tomorrow, Sir.