Time Won’t Give Me Time
I’m realizing (and have for some time actually) that this is more than just a line from an 80′s Culture Club song (God I miss the 80′s music, it just ‘seemed’ better to me back then). It seems as I get older that there isn’t enough time for everything that I want/need to do. I would like to think I’m pretty good at time management but after factoring in work, household duties, yard-work, etc. there just doesn’t seem to be that much time for a lot of other things. There are books I want to read; friends and family to call/catch up with; visits to the gym; yard projects to start; interior renovations to begin/complete; and TONS of other things I would like to do but never seem to have the time for.
I think part of the problem is that I get ‘stingy’ with my ‘personal’ time. Waking up at 4:30 in the morning to go to the gym then coming home and getting ready for work – working all day M-F and then getting home about 5 PM, I feel like 12 of my 24 hours are gone just like that *snap*. Next, factor in 1-2 hours to unwind from work, eat, play with the dogs, pick up around the house plus 8 hours for sleep each night and I’m left with only about 2 hours per day….TWO HOURS?!?! I refuse to be one of those people who live my life by a day-runner type pocket planner but MY GOD how else do working adults find the time to DO things they WANT to do after doing everything they HAVE to do?
Part of the ‘problem’ seems to be that – and my mother always told me this would happen – as I get older, time goes by faster and faster. I swear, it seemed like it took FOREVER before I was able to drive (16); then FOREVER before I would graduate high school (18); FOREVER until I was legally able to drink (21) and now…I just can’t slow time down. I totally understand what she meant now….of course then, I didn’t get it – kids never appreciate what their parents tell them until they get to ‘that’ age. She also used to tell me that ‘Youth was wasted on the young because they don’t appreciate it.’ Again, I TOTALLY get that now mom!
LOL I remember my best friend, Ben, and I talking about how we would either kill ourselves or get married (to women) when we reached 40 – because older gays are pretty much ostracized in the gay community. Now that I’m almost 40 (well about a week away) I cannot imagine doing EITHER of those things. I, for the most part, really like my life and wouldn’t change a thing (except for moving from Woodland Heights – Richmond to Walnut Hill – Petersburg). I do, quite frankly, worry that I won’t have enough time to accomplish everything that I want to do/see in my life before its over. I have no doubt that the next 40 (or however many there will be) years will go significantly faster than the previous 40. I guess the moral is that you have to make EVERY day, EVERY moment count. UGGGG what is this I’m having some sort of mid-life realization/crisis thing??? Will it make me a better person? Will I finally MAKE time for everything that I want to do.
I realize that after I retire (thank God I work for the State and have a nice deferred compensation plan, pension, and other benefits – I won’t be one of those retirees eating cat food LOL) I’ll have a lot more ‘free’ time for travel, gardening, reading, yada yada but, I want to make sure I can do some of that stuff – hiking up to Machu Picchu – while I’m virile enough to do it. (Wow…like 40 makes me ancient and incapable of walking/hiking LOL….NOT). Oddly though I know I’m aging, I still think and feel like a child most times – mom always said I suffered from PPS (Peter Pan Syndrome) – well I’m rambling now, guess I’ll go get more coffee, get Keith up, and be about the business of the day – God knows there is stuff to be done!
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